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Honestly, there are so few, even the old "Rogues do it from behind" groaner might have helped. It gets a few sniggers, mostly thanks to the cast shamelessly and enthusiastically delivering lines like "Testicular bio-scan has detected low testosterone level, fucking me would be highly advisable", but direct gags are few and far between. You’d really have to love gawping at the sex scenes to get your $35 out of it.īetween missions, the cut-scenes tell what little story there is - and easily the most disappointing thing about BoneCraft is how quickly it loses interest in its Warcraft parody. The campaign is over almost as soon as it's started, and with no real incentive to revisit any of its levels. I think I used that once or twice, though never anything approaching tactics or more than mild caution. Your arsenal of freedom ranges from the machine gun that kills everything dead and renders everything else more or less useless to.
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(Right, ladies?) It's squad based, every level bar the last being split into three rounds with assorted objectives like capturing points and protecting Worth's devoted Sexbot from orcish attention, and a few similar things that mostly involve holding down the fire button and trying not to shout at the camera and your rubbish aiming controls.īetween missions you can upgrade your squad and equipment using money pillaged from the ground, though it's a short campaign and any deaths you suffer are more likely to be from getting chipped to death when surrounded than being unprepared.
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The action - the hack and slash action - is limp and unimpressive, but it tries hard, and that at least deserves a few points. Not that this stops him also getting balls-deep in both orc and robot flavours by the third level.Īnd know you know the plot. Slocombe in the galaxy, can satisfy his lust. Slocombe, officially the sexiest, juciest Mrs. a word I find deeply coarse and distasteful and will therefore be replacing with the far more civilised "Mrs. You play Colonel Fort Worth, cigar-chomping, Findlay-voiced leader of a squad of Space Wranglers, on a desperate quest for. The surprising thing about BoneCraft is that it is actually a game - though confusingly that game is a single-player hack-and-slash rather than some kind of porny RPG pastiche. But reading on will be much, much safer for work.
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No, it's a porn parody that goes so far out of its way to flick Blizzard's nose, its developers D-Dub even hired the actor who played Tychus "You Are Hearing Mah Voice" Findlay to be its leading man.īut can it hope to provide the hottest elf-on-elf action since Teldrassil's finest introduced a shocked looking Azeroth to the Wrath of the Licking? There's only one way to find out. It's not just a World of Warcraft porn parody guest-starring cast of horny Starcraft-inspired marines. BoneCraft is a game with balls, in more ways than one. All that things happens with no consequences, so think about the idiotic ideas and realize them in BoneTown game.Remember BoneTown? Now there's more. Talk to beautiful babes, do all you can to seduce them and fuck in a dark alley or a bar toilet.
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Eat mysterious pills and get supernatural powers. Have a great time with them, visit your friend at the discos, bars, night clubs, house parties. In BoneTown you will meet Ron Jeremy and other funny heroes. There is not a problem to kick ass of some silly boys and get a blowjob from a street hooker. Spend crazy night with that outstanding city and do thing that are prohibited in real life.
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Think how to get more cash, it is necessary to have fun and sex with virtual sluts. Beat them, fight with different objects, bottles, sticks, mannequin leg, use your fists or spit fire. Be careful of mafia, they want to take all your money. Explore the big city, talk to people, fight with drunk pricks, show them who is the boss here.
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Download BoneTown and change boring real life into a crazy sex adventure.